Saturday, 23 July 2011

This Gathering

"My friends we are one again tonight
My friends we are one of the same kind
My friends are we gathered for the fight"

This is a very late post. I lost my card reader...but my brother bought another one. :)

Last year, my friends and I surprised our friend, Djahara, for her 22nd birthday.  

This year, we did the same.  On July 7, my friends and I met to surprise our dear birthday girl. We went for a simple treat--cake, ice cream and pizza.  We skipped the balloons.  

The surprise was not smooth-sailing.  There were some bumps along the way.  We arrived at Djahara's house and there was no Djahara.  She was out!!We got the surprise of the day. LOL. We just decided to meet somewhere in the city and ended up eating in some fast food chain.  She was still surprised though.  She was happy and so we were. 

halter top-Live to be Spoiled | bolero-Worthington | jeans-Kass
denim bag-from Mom | sandals-Mags


Friday, 22 July 2011

Keep me sane

I feel like an orphan.

On July 13, my Mom and Lola left for the States (oh it's crying time again...)

picture taken from

This is their 3rd time to be away but it just feels a lot different.  I am a lot sadder.  I guess it’s because Dad is not around either.  I remember before, when Mom and Lola were away, Dad took me on random dates..*sniff*  I MISS YOU DAD.

I am just thankful for their safe trip! I will be counting the days.

On a different and lighter note, here’s  what I wore :

dress shirt-WITT|jeans-Penshoppe|bangles-from Mom

These are currently my favorites:
bag-Kenneth Cole|shoes-Primadonna


Friday, 8 July 2011

No Rewinds

This one is really dramatic..Who's laughing now? I am.

No rewinds...

Added Jan 2010 - Personal

I want to be a child again—back to the days wherein life was a little less complicated; wherein all I had to worry about was my Barbie… 
I woke up today feeling a bit low. I am single, overweight and unemployed—too much for a 21-year old to handle eh? Hmmm…not really. I know a lot of people my age who are happily living. I guess that’s what makes things worse. Bull. I am usually optimistic and I do not know why I am bitter today. Is it because Facebook notified me on a photo comment made by the guy I liked saying we are friends, nothing more, nothing less? Is it because everytime I look in the mirror, all I see is a whale in pajamas and the people around me see to it that I realize that fact? Or is it because I want to buy a new pair of shoes but I’m broke? This is just a great way to start my day. Sheesh. 
These past few days, I have been reminiscing on my early days of living. Things were simple then. Lollipops and dolls put a smile on my face. Other things did not matter that much. My childhood was not exceptional but it was uhmm…HAPPY. I didn’t get to climb a tree but I was able to play house beside a shrub. I didn’t learn how to swim but I got to play with a lot of sand. I didn’t have loads of girlfriends but I had my Dad and brothers to play with. I didn’t have a pony but we had dogs and some mice. I could just imagine how simple my life was; how easy it was for me to be happy. I had toys that came in different shapes and sizes; I was not deprived from junk foods and sweets; my parents did not lay their hands on me—but I wasn’t spoiled nor was I a brat. 
I miss my childhood. It sucks that I can’t turn back time. I realized that being a child is a gift; it is a privilege. It is the only time wherein we can run around naked under the rain, kiss someone we like and people would find it cute, eat chocolates without worrying about getting fat, skin our knees unmindful of the scars, ride on your parents’ backs and just live life to the fullest. I guess I just miss living without worrying about tomorrow. People’s needs and wants are insatiable, that’s what they say. Once we gain something, we tend to want more. Well, I don’t really know. Time flies so fast and there are no rewinds. I am 21 years old. I want to dance in the rain and get kissed. I want to be my parents’ baby again. I want to run and shout and cry. I want to be a child again.

A Party to Remember


Added Jul 2009 - Personal
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July 31, 2009, 6PM
Pala-o, Iligan City

I came...I saw...I partied...

Last night was a blast!!!I enjoyed every inch of the thanksgiving party sponsored by the Phoenix Learning Center. But before the party, I had a predicament; every girl's Now, here's the story...

My friends and I have always been excited for the thanksgiving parties that would take place after the release of the board exam results. After a long time of being a bum, my schedule was starting to fill up on its own. Whew!I have trainings to attend, small jobs to tend, and of course, parties to drown myself into (but no alcohol please...haha!). But the most awaited are the thanksgiving parties of the review center and our school. These parties are definitely worth preparing for...

The schedules were indefinite so we had to wait for updates. The tentative sched was August 1 for the review center and August 7 for the school. We were really cool with that...

Me and two of my friends, were given a small job for three days. We were asked to look after another friend's grandmother who was ill. Well, newly registered nurses just can't say no to work. We were all up for the job and we really wanted to help out. Our duty was scheduled on July 29-31, 12 hours a day. Everything was smooth sailing. We did our job well and at the same time, we learned. Anyway, on July 31, our last day of duty, we received a text message saying that the "August 1 event" was moved to that very day.OMG!!We haven't planned anything--no outfits, no themes...nothing. And not to mention, we were on duty!We thought about partying with our uniforms but it might cause a commotion and we might end up being the center of atrraction; definitely a major no-no. We even considered the idea of not attending to the said affair. We were ambivalent, nervous, problematic. It was so uncool. But we longed for our friends and missing the party would mean losing half of our lives. And then our friend, the one who hired us, sent us a text message saying that we could end our duty earlier as long as we finished every procedure to be done. Woohoo! She wanted us to have ample time to prepare for the thanksgiving party. It was the best text message ever. :-)
We only had 2 hours before the celebration. I have never been faster and I have never been more furious when it comes to shopping but I became what I am not just because of the sudden change of plans. I didn't mind the tiring walks to the different boutiques. After 1 hour and 30 minutes, 7 failed fitting attempts, I finally got hold of the perfect outfit--a purple short jumpsuit. I knew it was it so I went home and made up.

Diane, Me, Michelle and Merlyn

When I arrived at the venue, I was surprised to see the large tarpaulins with our names hanged just outside the restaurant. I couldn't be more proud. I was thrilled to see everyone--classmates, fellow reviewees, reviewers, and the staff. We had a sumptuous dinner and there were small talks made by the new RN's and of course, the 10th placer of the PNLE. We are so proud of him. He's my schoolmate by the way. The director of the review center also made a speech which touched my heart. She talked about how pleased she was upon seeing the results and that we will always be her children emotionally. I will really really miss our review days. I am so blessed to have all the people who became a part of my life and made my journey easier.

The party went on and on and on...we danced like there was no tomorrow...we begged "Please don't stop the music". Haha. Even if some people close to my heart were not able to make it, the thanksgiving party is still a night to remember. I do not regret having met certain obstacles prior the bash. Seeing my friends in a different view is worth treasuring. I now see them in a professional way and with that, I am grateful.XOXO


Hahaha!!I was once a poet wannabe..Hey,I tried!


Added Jul 2009 - Arts
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Flings are brief, temporary, romantic relationships. Well a close friend of mine had this kind of dilemma so I got inspired to write a poem on what I think about flings...
Hugs and kisses, holding hands,
Less than lovers, more than friends.
Casual dating, summer flings,
Before you know it, your love clock rings.

And then it's time to say goodbye,
It was all short-lived, no need to cry.
And then you ask if it was real or puppy,
Almost a relationship but not really.

Now you want commitment, you want to demand,
But everything was fake, things were out of hand.
The story began but it has no end,
It was all untrue, it was all pretend.

You wish it didn't start,
You thought you had a spark.
But then you're left hanging with an aching heart.
Flings are for show, and you played your part.

Separation Anxiety


Added Jul 2009 - Relationships
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I wrote this a few days after the nursing licensure examination. I just can't wait to see my college friends again...I will be seeing them on our thanksgiving would be the first get together as registered nurses...weee....we made it!
Separation anxiety--is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (like a father and mother). It becomes a disorder when the separation reaction becomes strong enough to impair people's ability to conduct their day to day lives and relationships. Well, that is according to Wikipedia.

Separation anxiety, for me, is being away from Le' Ottimista—not knowing how to start the next chapter of our lives, wanting to move on but having a hard time letting go...and looking back to memories that made our college life one hell of a rock show.

How time flies. I can still remember our first day in college...whew!The next thing we know, we are emancipated from the hardships brought about by school life. I bet we are going to miss them. Separation did not sink in to me...not until NOW. I realized that we just finished our inhouse review, we faced the board exams (rooting for 100%--got my fingers crossed) and we partied all night long. WHAT'S NEXT?Job hunting?Tambay mode?How I wish we could accomplish those together...

But no matter how hard we try to turn back time, parting is just inevitable—a foreseeable crisis or a stress point for that matter. We are left with no choice but to move forward. We will move on but let us not forget to look back—to what we were, to where we've been and to whom we were with.

As early as today, I could say that we have made it...we have done our part and we have succeeded with blood, sweat and tears. See you all during the oath taking!Char!hehe.. :-)


Here's another one...


Added Jul 2009 - Personal

Woohoo!This is definitely one of the best days of my life. The results of the Philippine Nursing Licensure Examination were released last night and I was just psyched to see my name on the list but seeing my friends' names was the best. I am so glad that we could celebrate our triumph together. Isn't it great? Our sacrifices and hardships are totally worth it. Our efforts finally paid off. Whew!

Well, I would like to share some secrets on how I made it...
To roll everything into one, let me say that LOVE and FAITH helped a lot....

First and foremost, I would like to thank God for everything. To GOD be the glory. Passing the board exams is just another miracle. If it wasn't for Him, then I wouldn't have made it. We should never forget that He is our Father and He will always be there for us. We should always keep our faith in Him for He has always been faithful to us. I am so grateful. I am still in the state of awe and euphoria. I can't remember the last time I felt this way. This truly is a dream come true. Thank you Lord!

Faith is definitely a BIG thing!As mentioned above, faith in GOD is a great armor. Moreover, we have to have faith in our mentors and of course, in ourselves. God helps those who help themselves and I know that God will always do His part and it's up to us to do ours. Humans as we are, doubt often crosses our minds but we should never let go. There will always be a beacon of light; there will always be hope. I am so blessed to have God's light as my guide and I am so glad that I met all the people whom I believe are instruments of the Lord to help me get through every obstacle.

Another factor in passing the board exams is LOVE--for GOD, family, and friends. I always hear people say that we should pursue our dreams not for other people but for ourselves. Well, I have a different view. I believe that we should do our best for the people we love because they compose the best part of us. I always put the important people on top of my list and I have never failed. It is because these people bring out the best in me. Every morning when I wake up, I think of them and I know that I will make it through. When you dedicate your efforts to people you care for, you know that there is no room for weakness. All you know is that they are your strength and you are invincible for you are guarded by their LOVE. Inspiration truly helps in achieving your goals and I can attest to that.

The good news was just a prelude to the new chapter of my life. With this comes greater responsibilities and challenges, but I know that God, my family, and my friends are just a few steps behind me. And with that, I will always be a WINNER...:-) -Jane Maikah A. Cruz, RN


I found some posts from my old blog..this is funny!I can't believe I was this emotional..


Added Jul 2009 - Relationships
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Everything passes...

Hi!It has been a long time since I last blogged. Well, I used to write on another blog site. I was heartbroken then and I devotedly wrote about my heartaches . I realized that I was too preoccupied with the pain that I forgot to look at the positive side of things. And so, my first entry here in seekopia would be my realizations/learnings after my first love...

I have always been hopeless romantic but after getting hurt(BIG TIME!), I guess now, I'm just I learned that when LOVE hits you, you go crazy. You lose yourself and you do things beyond imagination. I never thought I was capable of doing that. It was because of him that I learned this part of myself. I also realized that heartaches exist because of certain reasons. If it weren't for the tears, then I wouldn't have appreciated the laughter that we shared. If it wasn't for our short-lived "more than friends" state, then I wouldn't have valued the long-term friendship that we had. I miss our friendship. I miss what we were. It was with his company that I felt true fun and happiness. I have shared genuine smiles with him and those memories are worth remembering. If it wasn't for the pain, then I wouldn't be what I am now--stronger, stronger, and so much stronger. I feel like I can face just anything. I have learned that in love comes risks and it is with these risks that we can measure how far we can go and how much we could give. In my case, I gave so much that I didn't leave anything for myself. My bad. You should definitely love yourself for you to love others. How can you give something you don't have in the first place, right?It was also through my first love that I developed PATIENCE. When things go wrong, you shouldn't immediately give up. Hold on if you must but when you feel like you're at the edge and letting go is the only thing left to do, then LET GO. Pain is inevitable. Learn to embrace it for life does not end where heartaches begin... and lastly, I have learned that moving on does not mean not remembering. The past will always be with us and we have to live with it. It will always be a reminder that we should be thankful and happy not because we have lost love but because for once in our lives, that feeling lived in our hearts and made us whole. --All these, I learned from one man—my first and only love.

I miss him and I struggle to make it through each day but I have accepted the fact that we will never be the same. I just hope that we will both find true happiness even if it means not being a part of each other's worlds. I hope that the next guy would be worth the wait--my prince charming, my knight in shining armor. I wish for us to learn together—two entities grow to be one. And I wish for a happy ending; to have someone who will take good care of my reconstructed heart.

Monday, 4 July 2011

One Last Challenge

Time flies so fast. Grad school(Master of Arts in Nursing major in Nursing Administration) is almost done. I can't wait!

As of the moment, something is brewing thesis.

So I did a lot of research and one topic sparked my interest--COMPASSION FATIGUE. Well, I never heard of this before so that's what I'm going to explore. I never thought that compassion can fatigue.

Compassion fatigue is the term used to describe the emotional effect of being indirectly traumatized by helping someone who has experienced primary traumatic stress while compassion satisfaction is about the pleasure you derive from being able to do your work well(

Right now, I am busy communicating with researchers who have dealt with the same research problem. Hopefully, I can finish everything right on time. Come what may.